The Academy Awards are on soon! There will be a plethora of people who appear to be perfect walking on that red carpet. Not only do they appear perfect but they also seem to have perfect lives! I’ll be sitting on the couch in my sweats with my hair barely brushed, probably eating something fattening as I watch this display of perfection. But I won’t be beating myself up because I don’t have the life they have. I know that for sure.
Why won’t I be comparing myself and falling short of these beautiful successful perfect people with their perfect lives?? Because I know that their presentation of perfect is BS. Hollywood sells this to us and the actors must conform. Perfection sells movies.
Unfortunately, we fall into the illusion that it is possible to be perfect and have a perfect life. We aren’t meant to be perfect and we aren’t created to be perfect. We’re meant to be real and authentic with both positive and negative sides to us. No matter how hard we try we just won’t ever be perfect. And neither will the actors that we’ll be watching.
Observe the actors. Notice that when they are asked a question that they have a positive answer always. “My co-star is fabulous” “My husband is amazing” “I love working for… She’s just the best director ever.” We think that perfect means being positive and happy all the time and that maybe these actors have figured it out. And if they have figured out how to be perfect then maybe we can do it too. They’re valued…a lot. Look at how much money they make! Look at all their fame! Maybe if I’m perfect I’ll be valuable too is a thought that subconsciously runs through our mind.
Perfect implies success and value. For those of us that know that we aren’t perfect (all positive, all happy, all the time) then it’s kinda difficult to feel successful and valuable. So we adapt and create the image that we are perfect and live a perfect life. How do I know? I’ve been here, done it, bought the t-shirt.
In my former life as a woman with low self-worth, I perfected the image of being perfect and living a perfect life. I was one of those women who was always smiling, happy and bubbly when in public. My kids would have loved if I was that way at home too but that was where I let me be my real self, which wasn’t always happy that’s for sure. They will gladly share stories of my short fuse. (Just ask them about what is now fondly called “The Pop Tart Incident” if you ever meet them ????) I volunteered at their school, never said no to any requests, put everyone around me first, and stayed fit.
I was sure that if I acted perfect then I could be it. But ‘sadly’, it never happened. I realized that I was destined to be one of those people that just couldn’t fully get herself to match the image of perfect. Part of the problem was that my image of perfect was actually creating a lot of insecurity for me.
I don’t know about you but I’m not at my best when I’m feeling insecure. And this insecurity made me feel even further away from my goal of being successful and valuable through my perfect image. Ugh. It became a vicious circle where my insecurity triggered my need to appear even more perfect and my image of perfect created more insecurity. Talk about being stuck! And I created it! All because I thought it was possible. I really did. I bought in and because of that I was stuck in a very frustrating ugly existence. And on top of all that I couldn’t ask for help because that would imply that I was a fake and a fraud and then my image would be destroyed.
Truly it is not possible to attain this ever elusive perfect so I suggest to you to just give it up. Stop lying to yourself! Spend your valuable time appreciating all of you. You accept the ‘flaws’ in your children, friends, family members so why not accept them in yourself??
Yes, it is scary to give up an identity that you’ve created. The scariest thing being that you might find out that you’re not loveable just as you are. I get it. But what if you took the risk and found out that you actually are loved and loveable just as you are? What if who you are is even more loveable than your fake perfect self! How freeing would that feel!
Imagine waking up everyday and not fearing whether you will get your impossibly long list done perfectly. Imagine allowing your employees see a softer side of you (or maybe a more demanding side of you). Imagine being relaxed, content yet purposeful as you moved through your day. Imagine coming home at the end of your busy day and still having lots of energy left to enjoy your life! Imagine increasing your sense of worth simply by letting go of a limiting false image and identity!
It’s possible! But you will have to risk being just you…all of you. It means that when you go out to dinner with your friend and you decide to pick up the bill and he doesn’t say thanks that you call him out on it. It means that when the guy that you’re dating tries to change your already scheduled date on Friday to Saturday because it works better for him that you say no if you’ve already made other plans for Saturday. It means that you ask your children to pick up after themselves, do the dishes and generally be more responsible around the house so that you too can relax in the evenings even if they’re sulking around.
It means that things will change and that initially it will probably feel uncomfortable but ultimately you will so thank yourself for it. Trust me on this one.
Are you ready to take a step to get out of your self-imposed perfect trap?
I’m a question-asker so I ask you to consider these questions…
Are you really fooling everyone? Name at least one person who is not fooled nor impressed with your perfect image?
What are the costs to you of maintaining your façade? Is it really worth it?
Your answers lie within. You just need to ask the right questions.
Thanks for listening!
And remember... Your Worth Matters™!
Jennifer
PS: Enjoy the Academy Awards Ceremony! I know I will.
